
Sharon Lopez Mooney
Poet & Interfaith Chaplain

There's a great truth here
1 at first glance
you came up to me in my life/said you wanted to love me/like you never loved nobody before/well those weren’t the word you used/only i didn’t know you hadn’t loved any strong grown up womon since yr momma left when you were four/so i said i’d really think about it/n before i cld think i’d fallenso in love with you/it embarrassed me a middle aged womon/bu it felt so good i decided to stay/n went to work to find some way to fit this love into a marriage i was committed to/so i cried and shook/n loved so much it dot me tired/n you were nurturing yrslf on our love as well/but of course you were rear scared n careful with yrslf/n that made you kinda cavalier with me sometimes/but i felt love like i'd never before/n the pleasure at loving out weighed the hurts/so i kept at it/n had to watch you fall lor somebody n win her heart/all this time still we're close/talking of our love n friendship/but you still too afraid lo let me into that last frontier/over n over you refused by advances/'no i won't you said/all the while making love to someone you told me you actually loved less/n i watched her turn her back on you hurt you real bad cuz she wanted something you all along told her/you cldn't giver/i felt lucky i wasn't her/ that we were together something different n deep/n forgot sometimes you were still afraid to love a middle womon/n that’s what made you act so crazy at times/in those cycles you like to describe of yrslf/i guess we're in one of them afraid cycles now/where we're 100 close n yr afraid you can't be yrslf if you lat me In/so i have lo wait carefully/so as not to gel scared you won't love me any more/wait till the next cycle shows itslf/but this time i’m worried i won't make it for some reason i can't figger/my love's telling me i can wall forever/my mind's telllng me to be as careful with myslf as you are
2 i wanna tell you from my side
well now there's two of us
me n her who heard what you said
but thot we cld hear between the lines
heard you telling each of us
you didn't want to love nobody
so hard
you cldn't hear yrslf thinking
but we both fooled ourselves
into believing you were really promising
to try to love us the way we wanted
now
this alnt about you
jus me
so ever
time you said
'no i don't wanna'
i heard you say
'that'd be hard but maybe'
so i went on ahead
jus loving you much as i cld
me giving n getting
you taking n enjoying
Jus like you wanted to go on that way w/me
i mean who wldn't take
love like that
now
member
this isn't about you
Jus me
i cried n hurl
something awful
when i cldn't get from you
what i thot you were
trying to find in yrslf
while you were really
feeling jus fine cuz
you were getting what
you needed from me
n thot you were glvin me
jus what you'd said you wld
i want you to
remember
this is about me
not you
next i tried a different approach
I tole you i wasn't gonna
do it no more
id had it
but you said 'no, i love you
don't want you to go away'
so i thot that meant
you wanted to love me
the way i wanted
but you musta thot
ft meant i wasn't gonna leave
say
i want ii clear
this is about me
n the hearing problem
i've been having
n then
i really tried to show
you clear n plain
how i felt about you
we spent more time together
but were less close
than ever before
n all a sudden
you were moving away from me
subtle like
course
only obvious to me
but i’m talking
about myslf here
now i saw this
but i knew you were
trying
no matter
how it looked
so i kept
loving n giving n waiting
but then
i saw you
loving yr old frlend
jus like you tole me
you cldn’t do
so finally
i began
to think maybe
i'd heard you wrong
even i know
thls is not
yr story
so i tried thinking
real hard about
loving somebody didn't love
me back the same
n i noticed
you began lo tell me
thlngs cuz it was
too hard to tell me
the truth
that you'd
rather not w/me
but then you'd have
to go against em
n then do what you needed anyway
and so it wasn't
really lies
It's me
and how i’m hearing
now about this lime
i decided to give up
my cravings
i mean
stuff i’m addicted to
you know
sugar n sail n butter
n all the other
country folk's food
n i did
real good
so i’m figgering
i can give
you up too
cuz my muscles
are in shape
now
these are
my cravings member
so you can keep all
those pictures
n letters
they were for
you anyway
but i’ve taken down
yr pictures otta my room
n i’m takln back
my heart
cuz
you can't have it no more
even if you didn't
want it
from the start
i do hope you can
member
this has been
my story
i've been tellln
3 fall cleaning
i'm takin back all my stuff
the little presents
n jokes i toie you
all those embarrassing times
we laughed over
even the secrets
every little piece of me
i'm gonna take back my memories
i don't want
you remembering
what i remember
i don't want you
to know
the things i know
any more
you have to give back
all the things i figgered out
they're not yrs
i gave em to you
as gifts from myslf
i want all those
nights we whispered
when i look into my memory
i don’t wanna be able
to see you standing there
loving me w/yr touch
or singing lyrics lo songs
so i can understand em
i want you lo be gone from me
i'll live w/the holes
i'll fill em
w/house plants
n poems
even If i leave
one hole
I want it empty
so i can' t remember
what went there
i jus want you
to clear otta
my heart
Sharon Lopez Mooney, ‘There’s a great truth here’, in The MacGuffin, ed. By Arthur J. Lindenberg, Volume II Number II, Fall 1985, Schoolcraft College, Livonia, Michigan, pp.9-14